I'm turning 30. SOON. I'm little freaked out by it. Not because I think 30 is old or anything. I just think it's strange that I should be 30. It somehow doesn't seem possible. The problem with turning 30 is that I feel a lot of pressure to have fun and do something epic on my birthday. Really, I think my husband feels the pressure. We were going to go on a cruise but I don't have enough vacation time and I have been getting hospital bills for like, thousands of dollars and I'm going to have to pay the IRS all the rest of our money soon - so that's been postponed. That last sentence is very 30 year old-like. So my husband said, "What do you want to do for your birthday?" I don't know. I have a conference to go to that day. I don't want to go out drinking, because I don't drink. I don't need to go to a fancy restaurant. We go to fancy restaurants plenty throughout the year. I want to come home and put on my PJs and eat hoagies and play board games with him and the kids. I love games, I love the kids, and I love hoagies and being in my PJs. That seems perfect. "What about cake?" he asked. We host dinner on Sundays for my family so I said that we could just have cake then. "What kind of cake? " "A Publix cake. With something outrageous on it. Like a shirtless Fabio riding on a unicorn and a funny saying. Something absurd." It seems like my life is a little absurd at times, so it's perfect.
I have been reflecting on my life a lot lately. Turning 30 is making me survey where I have been, where I am now and where I think I'm going. I think my 30's will be WAY better than my 20's. The 20's were great, they were fun but I am in such a different place now than I was then. When I was turning 20, I felt like so unsure of myself. I had so much to prove. I set myself to these really unrealistic high standards and that was especially true in my 20's. I needed to finish college, which was no easy feat when I gave birth to babies in my sophomore and senior years. I needed to get a good job, professional certifications, be a perfect wife and mother. There was soooo much pressure. I worked incredibly hard. I always felt like I had to work harder than everyone else. I should have given myself more credit, been more flexible. There were many times that I thought that my life was a lesson in disappointment and loss. In some aspects it has been, but the older I'm getting, the more I realize that this is the case for almost everyone. No one is exempt from it. That it's okay. There are many positive aspects of personality that developed as a direct result of some of the bad or hard parts of my life. I have much more peace now than I ever have because I have enough history to look back and know that everything happens for a reason. That life goes on. That even though I think I'm in control, there are a lot of things that I can't. There are things and people that I cannot change and that's okay. I don't feel the pressure anymore. I like who I am and the life that I've built. I feel very settled into life, into my marriage, as a mom. My life certainly isn't perfect, but it is fun and sometimes it's very absurd. It's full of people that I love and respect. I am very happy. I'm extremely pleased with how things have turned out and GRATEFUL.
I'm sure my 30's hold a lot of surprises.
Physical changes. I woke up the other morning and went to brush my teeth and I noticed lines on my chest and my face and I laughed and said, "Oh, this is what my parents were talking about." They used to joke about having to learn to sleep on their backs to help with aging because they claimed their faces looked older in the morning. My dad is especially funny about this "It takes a few hours to get my regular face back." I will try to learn to sleep on my back. I'm going to need a adult sized baby wedge.
Grey hair. I expect that in my 30's. I don't have any yet. It will be a rite of passage. I remember when we discovered my husband's first grey hair in his beard shortly before his 30th birthday. It was so funny. I called the kids over and stared at it in awe, like we had just discovered Stonehenge. It will be amusing for sure. I will probably get my first grey after posting this, with my luck. That's okay though. My baby brother already has lots of grey, so I have a while to catch up to him.
According to women's health, I may begin to experience some degree of urinary incontinence in my 30's. That sounds enjoyable. I love the idea of peeing a little when I sneeze.
BUT, in spite of all of that, they say a woman's sexual peak is in her 30's.
Holla! Which might be good, except for the fact that I have children that get up early, don't nap, and have the ability to stay up later than I do. They are always around and awake. It kind of cramps our style. I'm going to need to get more babysitters. Then I will put on a nightie and say, "Not only am I a tad bit wrinkly, I also have 3 grey hairs and sometimes, for no reason, I pee my pants a little. Lets get it on!" I don't know about you, but I think that's HOT!
I am going to try to live in the moment and really enjoy my children. My children, who during my 30's will become adults. This makes me excited and sad all at once. When I am 35, I will have not one but TWO teenage daughters! Lord give me strength. Ten years from today, my kids will be 19 and 17. My kids will be pretty much grown. It's hard for me to imagine and think about. So I won't. I am going to focus on the NOW. So sayonara 20's, 30's - watch out! Here I come!
No comments:
Post a Comment