Date Night

My husband and I went on a date last Friday. We went to go see Nick Swardson who is a comedian that we LOVE. We have been big fans for years, watch all his specials and were so excited when we found out he was coming to town. I even scored 1/2 off tickets.

That night I was getting ready to go, waiting for my husband to come home and I could not find anything to wear. All I have is work clothes, fancy clothes and cocktail dresses and sweat pants. Nothing cute and casual at all. I would put on one outfit and go look in the mirror. No that's not going to work. I don't have any shoes to go with this. I look very fat in this dress. I was getting so frustrated.

Even though I have been married for over 12 years, I still want my husband to be impressed with me. I want to walk into the room and have him ravished by my beauty. I want him to remember me as the girl he married. But I'm not. She was young and thin and a teenager. She was unburdened by life. She slept good and was care free. I cannot compete with my 17 year old self. I'm not saying I'm a turd. I'm just saying that I'm different. I put on a dress that I felt okay with and painted my face. My husband walked in then. "Honey. I don't want you to be disappointed." "About what?" "That I'm not 17." He looked at me like I was coo coo for Cocoa puffs but just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay, I won't be."

We got dressed and off we went. "Let's pretend this is our first date, we can tell people that." He was annoyed. I always try to get him to participate in my games. We've been married long enough that we have to spice it up a little bit, have a little fun. I always want him to pretend that he doesn't know me and try to pick me up in a bar. He thinks I'm nuts.

So we get into the restaurant and we are seated and the waitress said, "How are you this evening?" I replied, "We're great. We're on our first date." hehe. My husband was like, "No we're not." He spoils all the fun. She took our drink order and we sat chatting. Then my husband whipped out his phone and started WORKING. On a freaking Friday night on our date. "What are you doing?" "I have to fix this server." "I don't care about the server." "Well, I have to." I sat quietly for a minute. "This is a very bad impression for a first date. I don't know if we'll have a second one." He finally set down his phone and told me he has expectations since he was buying dinner. So I offered to go dutch.

We ate and then headed to the show. That's when my legs started itching. I had gone to dinner a few nights prior on the coast of North Carolina and ate outside on the water and literally was eaten alive by mosquitoes. I was itching them in the middle of the night and they were gross and scabby. Literally, my legs were covered. I looked like I have a meth problem and was trying to dig my skin. To top it off, I also had a nasty bruise on my calf. My legs were looking straight trashy. I looked like I had the pox or something. Really gross. So we're in the car and they are itching like CRAZY. I couldn't scratch because they would bleed and ooze and be gross. So I am was slapping myself in the legs to get some relief. Slapping myself HARD. It was a very urgent matter. My husband was laughing at me so hard, "Dude, I don't know if I'll go on a second date with you after this."

We finally made it to the show and of course obnoxious drunk people were sitting next to me and being rude and disruptive. But it was so funny. We had a great time. Afterwards, we went straight home. We were exhausted. We were home before 10. We're lame. All in all, I would say it was a good date. I think I might see him again.