People and animals have been mean to me this week. For no reason. I don't understand. I mostly just try to mind my own business.
It started earlier this week with my 8 year old. She is mean a lot, in general. She is behaved in school but only because she has to hold it in. When she is home, all bets are off. So, now that I am not working, I decided that I would make lunches for the kids. It makes sense. School lunch costs us $80 a month. So I have been making yummy lunches in the morning. It was literally 5:20 in the morning and my 8 year old declared that she needs a new lunch box. I actually had ordered a little lunch box a few weeks ago from the middle school fundraiser, so problem solved. I said, "You will get another one. The stuff I ordered should be coming in soon." No, that wasn't good enough for Vercua Salt over here. "I want it NOW." "Well, sorry." She looked me dead in the eyes. "You are horrible. You're the worst mother EVER!!!!" She screamed the word ever so loudly it sounded like it may have come from the depths of hell. Then she told me this week to "get a job." Wow.
My older daughter hasn't been much better. She got in the car on Friday and I looked her up and down and said in a valley girl voice, "Oh.my.God. You look soooo cute." I was trying to be funny. She rolled her eyes at me and said, "Ummm, this isn't the 90's anymore, mom. We're living in the 21st century. Get with the program." Who does she think she is? So I said, "Well, I didn't know kids in the 21st century were A-holes." I didn't actually say the whole word. I said the letter A, followed by holes. Bad mom award. She huffed and crossed her arms. Don't dish it, if you can't take it, honey.
Speaking of A-holes, my dog is one this week too. She is starting to get comfortable in her new place and letting loose a little. The other day, I went to get something out of the car and the dog wormed her way past me and into the neighbors yard. I yelled, "Summer, GET BACK HERE!" She looked at me, looked in the other direction, looked back at me and then started to run. I walked over to her and told her to stop so loud that she finally did. I yelled for her to "SIT." She did. The minute I went to grab her collar, this beeotch laid on the ground and went limp. She looked up at me like, "What are you going to do about it?" I tried to pick her up, which was hard and annoying because she stayed completely limp. Just to be rude about it. I'm not letting her hang out with the kids anymore because they are a bad influence.
Then, there was the Publix lady that was the icing on the cake. I went to Publix on Sunday last week to do my shopping. It was pretty quiet in the store. There must have a foot ball game on. I was in jeans and a tee shirt and my hair was pulled back in a messy pony tail. I was checking out and I hear a customer in the lane directly behind me talking to her cashier. "That pony tail makes you look really nice. It's really pretty and smooth. SOME women shouldn't wear ponytails, but on you it looks good." She was talking really loudly in my direction. Really? Do you have a problem with my pony tail? I turned around and she was looking at me like she was personally offended by my hair. She was an older lady with a hideous perm. A poodle perm. I'm going to call her Poodle Head MaGoo. I wanted to say, Gee, Poodle Head MaGoo, If I knew you were going to be here, I would have made more of an effort. You're right. I should be coiffed when I go to the grocery store. Next time you see me I'll be looking good. Thank You for your constructive criticism.
This is my new going-to-Publix outfit.
I didn't say anything to Poodle Head MaGoo though. Do you know why? Because I believe that mean things that you think about people should stay in your head. So I imagined myself punching her in the ovaries and then my rage passed.
I'm hoping that people are nicer this week. I do not have time for negativity and people with bad perms telling me what to do.
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