A Decade

                                          
Today my oldest daughter turned 10 years old. That's right. Double digits. The big 1-0. She has been on this earth for approximately 3,652 days. I truly cannot believe it. It seems impossible that I should have a child that is ten. The time has passed much too fast for me.

We are celebrating of course. I told her that because we gave her $100 to go to New York and were throwing a family party as well as getting her other gifts that we weren't going to be a big friends party. She protested. "Just 2 friends, mama to sleep over. PLEAAAASEEEE!" Okay, but just 2. Then she was concerned that her other friend's feelings would be hurt. So now we are up to 6 girls. I said that I wasn't going to put together anything big or fancy. That they could watch movies and chill. But then I came home from a trip last week and she ran up to me with her phone. "Mom, mom - I found all these great ideas for my party on Pinterest. I was thinking of doing some spa things. Wouldn't that be fun?" I thought, "I guess so. We could do face masks and stuff. But I'm NOT spending a lot of money." She agreed, "I'll make a list and we can go to the dollar store." Okay. Then she curled up with me. "I think you are the best baker and it would be really special if you made me a number 10 cake." I was flattered, "Yeah, and I can cover it with little colored jimmies." She got excited. "Yeah." So the next day we went to the dollar store to get the stuff and of course I saw other great things that would be good. It was like, $35. As I was walking out I realized that I told her no party yet I am having a large sleepover party for her and now I have to make a number 10 cake somehow." She is so good at that. She can convince me to do things and make me think it was my idea. She doesn't really think I'm that great of a baker. She just fed my ego so that I would agree to do it. She's smart as hell. She is quiet and doesn't always let on to her devious plans.

She is so big now. It's so strange. She wears my tee-shirts to bed. She is always taking my sweaters. She'll be bigger than I am. Her hands are as big as mine now. Sometimes she asks for us to press them together and I observe,amazed, how our fingertips line up perfectly- like a mirror image. She is becoming more and more of a mirror image of me. She is a free spirit. She loves to paint and do art projects. She loves to sew. She makes bags out of tee-shirts and is always rummaging through our old things looking for fabric she can work wirh. Right now her room is strewn with paint brushes and canvas. She likes to watch DIY videos on Youtube and replicate them. She is amazing at braiding hair. She likes to read and of course text her friend on her phone. She is a kind, gentle, quiet soul.

She is in between now. She can't decide if she wants to be big or little. She is always quick to tell me that she is not a baby anymore and that she can do things on her own but at the same time she wants to be a little girl. Just the other night, I was laying in bed and she came in with her stuffed monkey in hand. She laid down next to me and curled her arms around my neck. She was so close to me and I was in heaven. I am honored to be her mother. I truly know that she was a gift from God. I don't really know what I did to deserve her but I am certainly glad that He picked me and gave her to me when He did.

It's been 10 years now, since she was born. Since I smelled her newborn smell and had her curled up, brand new, on my body. I had been missing her my entire life and I didn't even know it until that moment. It is hard to look back sometimes, on all the years that have passed. I can remember her little so vividly, as if it was just yesterday.But there have been 3,652 days between then and now. I have cherished her all of those days. I have dreamed dreams for her on all of those days and loved her and worried about her all of those days. And I'll continue to do so every day of my life.