My kids have been playing a game for the past 48 hours called, "let's-see-if-we-can-drive-mom-insane." I'm convinced of it. It was a crazy week. I got home from a business trip at 11 pm on Friday night and I was up at 7 am the next morning making a grocery list for the things we would need for my daughter's birthday party. I took her to get her hair cut, went grocery shopping, took her to lunch, decorated the house, picked up her friend, made her cake and then facilitated a sleepover with 7 girls which included manicures, face masks and updos. The next day the kids were up at 7am. I distributed donuts, cleaned the house and then later took my daughters and a friend to Claire's to spend her birthday money.
I jumped in the shower to get ready and as soon as I was in there I heard banging and screaming through the door. The only words I could make out were, "MOOOOOOMMMMMM" over and over again. I screamed back, "I CAN"T HEAR YOU." More banging and more screaming. "I'M GETTING OUT IN A MINUTE." More banging and more "MOMS". I couldn't take it anymore. I was so annoyed. I just wanted a 2 minute shower in piece. Finally I screamed, "I AM NAKED. LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" I got out of the shower a minute later and then opened the door. My 8 year old was sitting on the bed with her arms crossed, looking annoyed. "Can you help me find my brush?" Really? In the time she wasted yelling at me through the bathroom door, she could have found the brush. Why do I have to look for the brush anyway? I didn't lose it.
Off we went to the mall. We walked through the mall and window shopped and ate pretzels. Then I collected all the things that her friends left at our house and began dropping them off. She begged to stay with her friend. I agreed. I went home and had dinner with my sister and her three kids and then I drove back out to pick up my daughter. That night I was EXHAUSTED.
Not my kids though. "Mom, can I go to B's tomorrow?" "Yes, but you have to do some chores first." You would have thought I asked her to eat a sh*t sandwich. "I don't want to do that. I'll do anything else." Like what could you do besides chores? Stand on your head for an hour? "Sometimes, we have to do things that we don't want to do. That's the deal and I'm sticking to it." She began to cry a whiny cry. A cry that is very annoying coming out of a 10 year old. So I took her phone. Which led to more crying. Finally she calmed down and then said she was thirsty. Ok. "Can you come downstairs and get me some milk?" That's when I lost it. I was in bed. You want me to get out of bed to get you a drink that you are perfectly capable of getting yourself? The kids think we exist to serve them. It's crap and we're revolting. We will all be sitting on the couch or I'll be working and my daughter will walk up to me and say, "Can you get me a -----? Insert snack, drink, pen, paper, anything at all. NO. The answer is NO. You could have walked to the kitchen and gotten a snack or a drink in the time it took you to walk over to me. They are capable people. It's soooo annoying. Just the other day we were all sitting on the couch and my 8 year old said to me, "Can you get me a glass of water?" My husband turned to her, "Did you work 12 hours today?" She shook her head no. "Well, your mom did. You have 2 legs, get your own water." She gave us an evil look and then said, "I'm not thirsty anymore." AHHHHHHHHH.
Anyway, back to the milk child. I said no. She whined and cried and acted like an all around brat. She would not stop. It wasn't just a regular cry. It was one of those cries that feels like spiders under your skin. The kind of cry that feels like it's killing your soul. The kind of cry that makes you want to throw yourself out of a closed window. Parents, you know what kind of cry I am talking about. I stood up and said that I was going to sleep in her room, "Don't follow me. I am going to shut off all of the lights and leave the closet door open." I knew this was her kryptonite. She is afraid of the dark and whatever thing she thinks lives in the closet. At that point, I wouldn't have cared if there actually was something living in the closet. I would have sacrificed myself to the closet monster. Anything to make it stop. I fell asleep looking into the dark abyss of her closet with the sound of whining and crying fading in the distance.
The next morning, she woke up and didn't talk to me. I smiled at her and said good morning, but no response. She finally came up to me. "What chores do I have to do?" "Clean your room, clean your bathroom, get everything that belongs to you downstairs and put it where it needs to be, do your laundry and act pleasant." She didn't agree and showed little emotion but she did as she was told and was mostly pleasant. I told her I would take her to her friend's house at lunch time.
That's when my 8 year old took over. I am trying to work and she is flipping out about everything. Screaming and being horrible. I had to run some errands after lunch and she REFUSED to get ready to go. Finally, I told her that we would have lunch out and then I would bring her home and she could stay home alone while I did my errands. Which was a lie. But I was desperate to get her out of the house. Bad Mom Award. We had lunch and then instead of going home we drove to the store. She looked at me meanly, "You lied to me." I confessed. "Just a little trick. Come on, it won't be long." She folded her arms. "I'm staying in the car." I sighed. "If you do, I am going to have to call the police and tell them that there is a hot child in the car and they will have to come because it is very dangerous. Then they will take me away and the whole thing will take much longer than if you actually go in with me." She did not like that answer. She got out of the car and slammed the door and yelled that she hated me and that I am a horrible mother. Then she reluctantly followed me in and stood there next to me while I picked up my prescription like a demon child.
Finally she chilled out. I had a lot of work to do, so she watched a movie and was mostly pleasant. And then we picked up my 10 year old. It was 6 o'clock and I was pretty emotionally drained from my last couple days. But the kids have to keep going. As soon as my daughter got in the car they started bickering. Then I hear a scream, "W dug her nails into my hand." She protested, "Well, she pulled my hair first." I whipped my head around, "Is that true?" She pouted, "Yes, but she was going to take my phone." "No I wasn't." More bickering back and forth, back and forth until it built up and built up and built up. Finally, I screamed, "BE QUIET!!!! NO ONE TALK THE REST OF THE WAY HOME!!!!!!" Then I turned the music all the way up and I pretended I was anywhere else.
I am hiding from my children right now. I hope they don't find me soon. I know they will come looking for me before too long. To ask me to get them something, or find something, or tell me how hard their life is. Lord, give me strength.
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