So we got our daughter a phone and we have certain rules about the phone. You can't have it at night. No Instagram or Snap Chat or any of that crap. That was my husband's rule actually because I didn't know what Snap Chat was. I had to google it. I think Instrgram is where people share pictures, but I never have explored it. I only have a Facebook, I don't really know too much about other social media. I am soooo stuck in 2008. :)
We paid like a gazillion dollars for this software that will show us all of her texts and what she downloads, her call history, GPS. My husband is in charge of tracking it since he is the techie guy.
So anyway, I am sitting at the table the other day trying to get my work done and I see a text from my 23 year old sister telling me my daughter has an Instagram. Oh HELLLLLL NAHHH.
I screamed for her to get into the room and she walked in clueless, phone in hand. E tells me you have an Instagram page. She put her head down and said nothing. "Give me your phone." She handed it to me. "Are you out of your damn mind?" She began to cry. "But all of my friends have an Instagram page." I felt rage moving through my body. "I don't give two s**ts what your friends have. I told you that you couldn't have it and you intentionally disobeyed me. AND you assumed I was stupid enough not to find out. Now, I want the names of all your friends who have an Instagram and I will call all of their mothers." She started to cry again but I had not one shred of sympathy. "I'm taking your phone and you're not getting back until I say so AND I'm going to tell your dad right now." She was really upset now. "No, no - don't tell daddy. He will be so mad." I looked at her in the eyes, "He should be." Then I sat her down and gave her the speech about not being mad, but being disappointed and heart broken and how she would be the last person I would expect it from. More tears.
Then she begged me for her phone back. She was desperate. "Please mama, I learned my lesson. I'll never do it again. I swear. I'll put TWO hands on the Bible. Please don't take my phone." I ignored her and went back to my work. "Mama, listen to me. Please don't take it. When can I get it back." I looked at her angrily. "When I say so, now go away from me. I don't want to be around you right now." She folded her arms and glared at me. "If you don't give me my phone back you will regret it." Oh really? Tell me more about this. "I am going to lock myself in my room and starve. I won't eat a thing." Hunger strike, huh? She wouldn't last 3 hours. I know this child. I looked at her hurt. "Well, first of all we are not allowed lock bedroom doors in this house. Secondly, if you decided to starve yourself it would be a medical emergency. I would have to have you sedated and brought to the hospital. They would give you IV nutrition and then you would have to spend time in an inpatient center for eating disorders. It will be expensive, but we could use some of your college savings. I would hate to do that but it's most important that you are well." She looked at me angrily. "I hate you." Good. She can hate me all day. I am not going to be manipulated. Even though she thinks I'm old as dirt, I was her age not that long ago and I remember it very well. I can manipulate as well as the next tween. Don't mess with me.
When she realized that she wasn't get her phone back she just sobbed. I went back to my work and she cried loudly. I couldn't take it. "GO UP TO YOUR ROOM." She didn't respond. Finally I picked up the phone, "That's fine. I'll call your grandfather to come over and I'll go work at Starbucks." Starbucks is my second office. I could use a caramel machiatto at this point and a bottle of vodka on the side. She finally relented and sulked the rest of the afternoon.
Then my husband came home and gave her a talk and she cried some more and we again reiterated the dangers of putting your picture on the internet. What is the deal with that anyway? How many selfies do you have to take? Why don't you just look in the mirror at yourself. I missed the selfie craze. It must have been around the same time that Instagram and Snap Chat became popular with all the youngsters.
So, that is the saga of the cell phone at my house right now. However, I have discovered a new tool to keep this kid in line. Just threaten to take her phone away. No more messy room for her. I win the Evil Mom Award.
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